Christian the Brave was born on a Queen's Sunday.
A merry time for children in the village to play.
Though rain did fall and the sky was gray—
And brave Christian was born unto a pile of hay.
Good years for the brave little child came to pass,
But 'twas too good to stay—alas.
For our brave little hero did love a fair lass—
But to her her father did harass.
He left her on a Witch's Wednesday in
A fearsome Dragon's cave.
The Dragon was delighted
He would keep her as a slave.
Christian wouldn't, couldn't stand for this.
In this manner he would not be pissed.
For the maiden he had never kissed
Had been stolen from their happy bliss.
He gallops off in romantic rage
He will save his to-be wife
He will take any risk
And (hopefully) not lose his life.
It was a Tiger's Tuesday,
When wild things come out
Sure enough, out leaps a Beast
But Christian does not scream, does not pout.
He removed his trusty sword,
The one he'd bought from Weapon Depot.
He did a mighty, swishy SWING!
And struck the Creature—in the throat.
Off came the bleeding head.
From blood it was stained deep red.
He stuffed it in a piece of bread
And—I won't tell what he exactly did then.
He galloped on, came to an inn
And went inside to see a Joker jest,
He felt queasy from his recent snack
Went to the bathroom and—I won't tell the rest.
He went out eventually to continue on his mission.
Up ahead he believed to see the Dragon's Cave.
But it would be a hefty task—
It was surrounded by devilish wood and maze.
Menacing Monsters—out to prey,
For it was the Monsterish Hour, the end of the day,
In the darkness Christian did lay—
A-waiting for the next sun ray.
Next morning, he awakened to light
And sat up in the musty wood.
'Twas a Witch's Wednesday—day of bewitchment,
But those wicked forces, Christian would avoid, he would.
He bravely galloped off, towards the maze,
Squinting in the haze.
He offered up to Heaven several prays
That this quest would not be his final days.
The maze walls he now sees, Hurray, Hurrah!
He strides in through the open gate.
But his confidence fades, he rubs away sudden tears,
He fears he is too late.
He dashes, most bravely, through the open walls,
He bursts through chamber doors.
And on the way battles with
A few unspeakable horrors.
At last, he's at the Dragon's Cave!
He gloats upon his triumph.
He gloats upon his triumph.
And foolishly stepping in, makes contact,
A rogue voice cries, “Umph!”
“Say wha?” Christian says, a bit shocked.
“Who makes that strange cry?”
That harsh voice retorts, “I doth!”—
Thus giving inquisitive Christian his reply.
So Christian and the Dragon
Began their Epic Fight,
It raged and raged on
Throughout the night.
Through a Thorn-cutter's Thursday,
A Flamethrower's Friday,
And a King's Saturday did they war.
Pausing only for brief breaks
At Walgreens Grocery Store.
At last, the mighty Dragon
Did fall down dead.
And eloping to Los Angeles,
They were happily wed.
The End
